Today I’m blessed to share the fourth guest post in my guest blog series on the seven practices I write about in my new book, Putting Joy into Practice: Seven Ways to Lift Your Spirit from the Early Church, published by Paraclete Press and released on April 16, 2019. This time, you don’t have to take it from me – each guest shares his or her own stories about how each practice helps him or her experience joy.

Today’s guest post comes from my dear friend and fellow writer and blogger Laura Michael. We had a wonderful audio conversation about Putting Joy into Practice that she shared on her blog, Coptic Dad and Mom, here. In this guest post, she shares her experiences with the fourth practice, thanksgiving, and how giving thanks sustained her through a friend’s cancer diagnosis.

By Laura Michael

I once heard on a podcast that your brain is the most efficient machine on earth. Whatever you give it, it will go to work on it immediately–and not stop till it finds an answer. This particular podcast was about having positive morning thoughts, about waking up in the morning and asking yourself better questions.

Instead of waking up asking yourself, “Why am I so miserable?” or “Why are my kids so poorly behaved?” or “Why won’t they promote me at work or… Why can’t I be the kind of wife that puts food on the table that she cooked with her own hands, freshly, every single night, while we sit around the perfect table with the perfect tablecloth, eating the perfect balanced meal?” (Ahem…)

Instead of that thought—instead of that thought—what if you woke up in the morning and you had a different thought? Why not let your brain work on better, more useful questions? That was the premise of this podcast episode.

When I consider the way we think about our lives, we are primed and surrounded by things that teach us to feel like we are lacking. Through social media, advertising, and the Joneses (whoever they happen to be in your life), we learn we’re less talented, less beautiful, less blessed.

You know what I mean on social media. The Instagram photo of the 90 lb. 18 year old in her bikini while you’re over here with all your normal body fat. Or the happy graduation or residency match photos of your more accomplished friends. Or the babies when you’re struggling with infertility. I’m sure you have your own unfulfilled desires.

And in advertising too, right? An advertiser’s job is to show you what you’re missing and how he or she can help you fill the gap, help you solve the problems. Usually though, they’re problems we didn’t even know we had. We start thinking about our problems, focusing on our problems, and often, sadly, inventing new problems.

I’m a marketer. I sell stuff. I know how this works.

But couldn’t we find a better way to live our lives?

A life where you’re always looking at what you’re lacking, where you’re looking to grow but feel like you’re mired in quicksand, what kind of a life is that? People are so unhappy these days. Sometimes it seems like a race to the bottom. Woe is me, look how unhappy I am!

What if there was a different way to think about your life?

Sure, there’s counting your blessings. You could sit down and list all your blessings now and then. But I’m talking about more than that.

God has created this world with so many amazing things and has given us so many amazing gifts. And we just want to grumble all the time. Is that really honoring God? Is that really a thought that serves us? Can we not do better than that?

I just heard this amazing story about a 12-year-old girl who spent time in a convent for Catholic nuns. One night at dinner, the convent received a gift of Egyptian Sun Bread for lunch. It was shared with everyone. This young girl only liked the crusty part of the bread, so she pulled out the crumb, as she was accustomed to doing, and put it aside. When lunch ended, the Mother Superior took her for a walk on the rooftop. In the gentlest way, she explained to the girl that when we receive gifts, we honor them by being grateful for every part of the gift. The crumb would be served with her dinner, the Mother informed her.

Every day from God is a gift. We have to accept the whole gift. Even the parts we don’t like.

That’s what Phoebe means in Putting Joy into Practice when she encourages us to develop “an attitude of gratitude.” That’s what Thanksgiving is.

It’s not just sitting down and counting your blessings. It’s honoring God by setting your mind to work on the question, “How is God blessing me today?” or similarly “What has God done for me this week?” as my childhood best friend Elena taught me.

But what if circumstances around you seem like… the opposite of cause for Thanksgiving?

I remember a few years back, a friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. I stood in Divine Liturgy week after week and forced myself to say the words of the Apeya, “We thank You for every condition, concerning every condition, and in every condition.”

Most times I said it bitterly, in anger, but I insisted on saying it. And while my lips formed the words, my heart asked “Why?”

My heart complained “How could You?”

And my heart pleaded with God “Teach me how to thank You in this trial.”

Joy is a contented state of being regardless of outside circumstances—even while I am afraid for my friend and angry at God.

In the chapter on Thanksgiving, Phoebe talks about thanksgiving as a sacrifice. It was certainly a sacrifice to thank God through pain. It felt like my heart was being squeezed with every breath.

You know what happened at the end though? I actually was thankful. And looking back, I’m thankful. Thankful for answered and unanswered prayers. Thankful for vulnerable moments that redefined me and my relationship with others. Thankful for my growth as a human being through this trial.

So many people are going through hard times that are beyond the scope of normal, “rational,” reasonable Thanksgiving.

Can I be thankful in illness? Can I be thankful being fired from a job? Can I be thankful grieving a loss?

There’s nothing normal or natural about that. Our instinct is not to be thankful for tragedy.

That’s why it is a habit we have to work on. We have to become accustomed to waking up each morning and choosing a better question.

We have to wake up and think, “God has given me so much. What can I share of His gifts today?”

Or “How can I be as merciful today as God has been to me?”

Or “What is the good gift God is trying to give me through this trial?”

Only then can we find Joy.

When Laura Michael isn’t shushing and redirecting her five-year-old through Divine Liturgy or watching foreign-language serials with her 10-year-old, she creates content for her blog Coptic Dad & Mom (copticdadandmom.com). She is the author of Becoming Tasoni and the creator of many products for children, families, and church servants that can be found here. She also serves with her husband Fr. Philopateer Younan at Saint Demiana Coptic Orthodox Church in Jacksonville, FL.

If you would like to learn more about Putting Joy into Practice, listen to this audio interview with Laura Michael of Coptic Dad & Mom, or watch this interview with Dr. Michael Saad on LogosTV. Purchase your copy of Putting Joy into Practice through my affiliate link here, or visit Paraclete Press for bulk orders for book clubs, churches, and bookstores here.

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