by Phoebe Farag Mikhail

Today I’m sharing a story of someone in my life that I have gone to for wisdom. I would like to hear your stories too! Tell me about the wise people in your life, the ones you go to for advice and whose words you value. I’m starting a project on this topic, and I might share your stories on this blog as well. If you have a story to share, email me at phoebe@beingincommunity.com, and I’ll send you more information.

I found a treasure this summer while burrowing through boxes of old papers from the 1980s and 1990s, the age before cloud computing: a letter from Uncle Sameh Mitry, a dear family friend who died twenty years ago.

Many folk tales tell of people in search of wisdom traveling to far places to meet with a wise person. Uncle Sameh was that wise person for my family and me. He belonged to an earlier generation of Egyptian immigrants to the U.S. in the 1960s and had lived and worked in the U.S. for longer than many other families who had emigrated in the late 1970s and later, like mine. He was someone we could turn to for advice on living in this new country.

I’ve written about Uncle Sameh and his wife Mona in a previous blog, about how they expressed love even during the hardest times of his MS diagnosis. Although he had MS and in his last days lived in a wheelchair, his death in 1999, at age 54, was still a shock to all of us.  

Uncle Sameh was also thoughtful and reflective, keeping journals of his experiences. He famously wrote a new year’s resolution to meet and marry “the perfect wife”—which he accomplished that very year! He also kept a file of words of advice that he shared with people, verbally or in letter form. Thankfully, he wisely left so many of us with his memories through the letters he wrote.

This letter below, in June 1996, was sent soon after a family visit to Washington, DC, when we stayed with him and his family in Virginia. It begins with a thank you for our visit, and then continues with some advice for me about writing, and then advice about going to college in the Fall. It’s advice he’s shared with others going to college as well.

Some of the advice seems unusual. “Please do not spend hours praying,” for example – a warning not to use prayer as a form of procrastination. Also, limiting friends to one person in the first year, then a select three. While the number seem arbitrary the principle was clear – the sheer number of friends at college come with their obligations, and those take time—time needed for study. The advice is as useful today as it was twenty-three years ago. I share it here with you:

Phoebe:

Writings: I am sitting reading your written essays, enjoying what I am reading. The only trivial comment I have is please date these essays. This will help in knowing your progressin writing over the years. The second comment is start developing a resume and attached to it, a list of all your essays in the order they have been written.

Points I accumulated over the years I hope they are helpful.

Prayers and reading the Bible: That is important and the benefits are unlimited. Please do not spend hours praying. On the other hand, if it comes down to it (and you do not have the time) the Lords Prayer is enough, please say (or pray) the Lord’s Prayer at least two times a day. Bible reading, at the extreme minimum one verse a day. But it will be great if you can read a chapter. Do NOT miss reading the Bible any days if you can. That is important (NOT to miss reading the Bible a single day). I was going to delete this point when writing to you but I said it does not hurt. The Bible has hundreds of verses on prayers, I selected these two: “In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy” Philippians 1:4 and “We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.” II Thessalonians 1:12.

Exercise: That is also important. At a minimum 15 minutes a day. Walking to and from classes is part of the exercise. Take the stairs whenever you can instead of the elevator. “For physical training is of some value,” I Timothy 4:8.

Diet: Watch your diet. Some food makes a person feel heavy and you cannot walk or feel sleepy. Eat less whenever you can.

Sleep: Do not sleep more than seven hours a day. Sleeping more than that makes a person want to sleep more. Take a walk in the open, whenever you feel sleepy.

Studying: For every contact hour (that is time you spend in class or lab) you need to study four hours. That is quite a lot of studying time. If you have 15 contact hours a week you need to study 60 hours a week! That is a lot!

Sororities: I do not recommend Sororities, they take quite a lot of time.

Time: Come up with a schedule and adhere to it. Do not forget the amount of studying you have to do in that schedule.

Discipline: If you find how time is disappearing the next step is to eliminate the waste. Adhere to your schedule during the week as much as you can.

Parents: They have to be comfortable with what you are doing. “Honor your father and mother” –which is the first commandment with a promise (Ephesians 6:2).

Grades: Strive for A’s and not B’s or C’s. That is important. Once you find out how to get good grades the rest will be easy.

Area of Interest: Any area you would like to major in is fine. The important point is to excel in that area.

Service to the Church: With all of the above in mind, find time to serve the church.

Friends: Limit the number of friends, at least, in the first year, to one. After that, if time management is successful, you can go up to a select three.

Mail: Write letters to your Mom and Dad. Or, you can set up a schedule (every Sunday Morning, say) that they call you. Please write e-mails to [your sister] when you got your e-mail address at school.

I know I tried to keep this advice from Uncle Sameh when I went to college, and it served me well. I plan to keep this letter to share with my children when they go off to college too. They might heed this advice more than any I offer on my own. If you have a loved one starting college, share this with them too, in memory of Uncle Sameh.

Do you have an example of a wise person like Uncle Sameh in your life? I would like to hear your stories too! Tell me about the wise people in your life, the ones you go to for advice and whose words you value. I’m starting a project on this topic, and I might share your stories on this blog as well. If you have a story to share, email me at phoebe@beingincommunity.com, and I’ll send you more information.