by Tina Attalla

Today’s post is by my dear friend Tina Atalla, the author of Once a Passenger: A Journey toward Intentional Living, a new book perfect for everyone who wants to get off the hedonistic treadmill and live life with intention. Her book is available in print and ebook on Amazon.com.

“So, how are you?”

What is the hardest thing to say in response to this all-too-common greeting? You guessed it: the truth.

“Actually, things are horrible right now.”

“Actually, I cried myself to sleep again last night.”

“Actually, I’m having a mental health crisis at the moment.”

These replies are certainly the last things we want to say. Part of the reason may very well be that we often ask each other as a matter of habit, a casual manner of greeting to courteously acknowledge someone’s existence. I like to call it “drive-by concern.” Sometimes, however, people genuinely care and want to know how we are, and we find ourselves unable to respond with anything other than, “I’m good, thanks,” while the truth festers like a sore lump in our throats, unable to make its way out into the scary world.

What deters us from sharing our struggles?  It could be the fear that no one will understand, or the fear of publicly falling apart at the mention of what’s bothering us. If you are a member of a Christian community, the fear takes on a different nuance. The fear of judgment looms over our heads like an angry storm cloud. The need for more faith, more gratitude, more trust, more strength, and more prayer are certainly to blame for our unhappiness. Openness and vulnerability can be incredibly terrifying, especially in the face of cultural stigmas.

I am the first person who is guilty of not sharing my struggles with others. As an introverted priest’s wife, I have always preferred to stay away from the spotlight and maintain a high level of privacy, almost to a fault. I’m embarrassed to say that in the large parish where my husband serves as a priest, there are some who still don’t know who I am, much less what I am struggling with. This low-key life has been my safe haven…

Until I wrote and self-published a book.

It only took me seven years to muster the courage! What could have possibly possessed me to come out of hiding and bare my heart and soul in this radical way?  That’s a great question! An act of God, so to speak. I’m not talking about a natural disaster, but rather an unexplained, dramatic, and positively supernatural shift in my desire to remain hidden. I went from keeping my writing a secret from even my own children to gleefully declaring, “I’m writing!” when asked what’s new in my life. In my mind, this complete “180” can only be attributed to the Lord working on my heart and giving me the courage to step outside of my comfort for the benefit of others.

In my book, Once a Passenger: A Journey toward Intentional Living, I share how I felt like a passenger in my own life and finally got into the driver’s seat, only to give the control back to the Lord. I reveal the dark place of disillusionment I found myself in after having checked all the right boxes of the successful woman and feeling stuck in a vicious cycle of materialism and consumerism. I disclose the challenge of discerning my husband’s call to the priesthood, which I was categorically opposed to beforehand. And I divulge my struggles with judgement, pride, entitlement, self-pity, perfectionism and the need for control. For the grand finale, I even touch upon my experience with seasonal depression.

I won’t lie, I wrestled for a very long time with whether or not I should be revealing all of these weaknesses and difficulties as a priest’s wife. I fervently prayed and sought spiritual guidance before taking the leap. And this is what I found: people could relate.

The trouble with keeping our tribulations a secret is very real. For starters, feeling alone only compounds the pain of the struggle itself. If no one knows we are hurting, no one can offer help, support, prayer, and even just compassion. In addition, hiding our struggles may cause others to feel that they are alone in their struggles as well, and that their pain is strange or abnormal.  What a relief it must be to know that everyone, (even the priest’s wife), suffers from the brokenness of being a fallen human being! Praise God, we are all in this mess together, and of course with Him! Even Christ did not hide His suffering, declaring to those closest to Him, that His soul was “exceedingly sorrowful, even to death.” (Matthew 26:38)

Please don’t misunderstand me: it is of utmost importance to practice discernment about what, when, and how much to reveal. Still, by sharing your pain and challenges, people will know you to be a person of safety and comfort. If they can’t relate now, maybe they will relate in another season of their lives and turn to you for solace. Perhaps they know someone who would benefit from connecting with you. It may just be that the person can gain insight, sensitivity, and compassion about the area you are struggling in. And if the only outcome of sharing means that someone is praying for you, then glory to God for this blessing!

The next time someone asks how you are with genuine sincerity, consider a different response, a real one. It can be as simple as, “Actually, I’m going through a rough patch right now. Would you pray for me?” Let’s not give up the little opportunities to make authentic connections and touch the souls of the people God has put in our path. You might be surprised by the ripple effect of your vulnerability. I know I certainly was!

Tina Attalla is passionate about Jesus, her husband, and two children. She thoroughly enjoys reading, writing, coffee, and puzzles! She loves to connect with people one-on-one through deep and meaningful conversations. She thinks of herself as a recovering perfectionist, a hopeless introvert, but more than anything, a beloved daughter of God.

Some of the links above are affiliate links to Amazon to purchase the books mentioned here. You are under no obligation to make a purchase using these links. However, using these links to make a purchase gives me a small commission, and this helps support my blog expenses.